My Kind of Feminism, But What Kind?

People often make a lot of assumptions about me once they label me as a feminist.

And interestingly enough, I have never made a public statement declaring myself as a feminist, although I wouldn't mind doing so. I study feminism, and my shelf on Soshabeya is filled with books on feminist ideas and debates. Perhaps I have never explicitly referred to myself as a feminist, but it is reasonable for others to assume that I am, and I wouldn't deny it.

A couple of weeks ago, I watched Greta Gerwig's film "Little Women." The film came out in 2019, so it may seem a bit late for someone who identifies as a feminist to watch it in 2023. I remember some of my friends recommending it to me, and I came across many intriguing comments about the film on the internet, but I somehow did not get around to watching it until very recently. I read the book as a child, but I don't recall much of the story, except that it was about "some sisters." Knowing that the film is about the lives of women and would contain feminist messages was not enough reason for me to watch it in my free time; it felt more like homework.

Did I enjoy my "homework"? Yes, absolutely. Although I don't quite remember the original plot, I could clearly see the contemporary interpretations added by the film, which I particularly enjoyed. Last night, while having a hot-pot dinner at my friend's place, she asked me which character I identified with and suggested, "Maybe Jo?" I said Amy (if I had to choose only one), but her guess didn't surprise me at all. Jo is probably the most ‘typical’ —although the way this movie portraits her is not quite typical—feminist character among the March sisters and I am seen as that feminist friend, especially in the eyes of my friends in Japan. Indeed, I am a good 30-year-old woman who is not married and does not desperately involve myself in Konkatsu.

I loved the film because it was NOT about another strong independent feminist girl who is so sure about what she wants and fights for her freedom. I enjoyed it particularly because it depicted the women (not only the "little women" but also the older women like Marmee and Aunt March) as much more complex and multi-faceted characters. Even Jo, who had turned down Laurie’s proposal, confesses she would say yes if he were to ask her again. The way the movie captures Jo's vulnerability in the scene below is, I believe, one of the moments that makes this well-known classic old story something we haven't seen before and much more relatable.

I resonate with Jo, and now as I write this post, I realize there are more things we have in common, but I didn't initially see myself in her character when I first watched the film, unlike what others may assume. It was in the famous quarrel scene where Jo tells Laurie how she loves her liberty too much to be in a hurry to give it up that I realized, unlike Jo, how sick I have been of my own "liberty," taking care of myself and being all by myself, even from the time before I moved to Japan when I physically separated from my own family.

It is perfectly reasonable for me to identify more with Amy or Meg, and I have my good reasons for it. However, too often people assume that getting married and having children are not compatible with being a feminist. Although social systems and patriarchal structures are undoubtedly problematic and do not fit diverse types of human partnerships, I won't delve into this topic at this time. My point here is that it is unnatural to think of women in only two competing ways. Women may choose to become a part of ‘the system’, even if they know that this game is seriously unfair in nature. So what needs to be fixed is the system, not the individual choice of women. Even if I don’t think the system best fit my ideal of partnership, I wouldn’t mind choosing it for some practical reasons. This is why Emma Watson's decision to play Meg's role makes perfect sense to me. Meg, who chose to be a full-time wife and mother, is just as feminist as Jo March, as Watson claims.

So, what kind of feminist am I? I see myself in Jo when she confesses her loneliness and ambivalent feelings for Laurie, in Meg claiming her dream of being a wife and a mother is just as important as Jo's, in Amy rejecting the idea of becoming an alternative to Jo for Laurie, and in Marmee, despite being a (seemingly) traditional mother figure, confessing she has been angry almost every day of her life and supporting Jo for being herself.

But I often feel there is not much room for me, not just in society in general, but even in the feminist communities of Japan and Korea. Most times, I just let people assume things about me because I don't think I owe them any explanation for living my own life the way I want and at my own pace. But the way people try to fit me into their own familiar images and criteria of what it means to be a feminist can feel suffocating at times.

Live more awesome life than mine, Jiyeon. Don’t get married.

said an old friend of mine who is getting married soon. She told me how thankful she was that I was happy for her decision, as if she had not expected me to be supportive. I recall I had an almost same conversation few years ago when my other friend told me she got married and said “you would not be excited about this news.” I didn't clarify what her exact intention was when she said so, but this similar conversation has lingered in my head for the past few weeks because it made me think (again) about why my girl friends are being sorry for getting married. It made me feel so sad.

Honestly and wholeheartedly, I think they should be celebrated for deciding to do what makes them happy, and I expect them to do the same for me. I don't believe getting married is less awesome than being single, nor vice versa. I will do whatever makes me happy, and I would be unapologetic about doing so. It was the most significant lesson I learned in my past years of life, and I am open to changing my mind at any time when I feel like it. If there is any criteria of being a feminist, these are my hard rules. Let that sink in.